Friday, September 6, 2013

The Past in my Future

17 years ago I met a man. We fell in love. And then we separated. We both agree we should never have separated, but the situations over the years have never allowed us to get back together. It's just never been 'Our Time'.

But now he's back. Married. But determined. He does not plan to leave me alone.

Over the last year he has stayed in touch. At times, it's purely sexual. Those times annoy me, but they are becoming fewer. Over the last month, he has steadily reeled me back in to the conversations we used to have. The other day, he pissed me off suggesting that once he, and his wife, move to NC, that I make myself available for a purely sexual relationship. I have it in writing from him so I will always have proof should his wife find out, but it irked me as well.

And then things changed. Wednesday we spoke on the phone for 20 minutes. He's jealous of Firefighter. It's there in the questions he asks about him. He is genuinely concerned for my safety with my ex still floating around. And he's still a sounding board for whatever issues I'm dealing with at home. Ever the sensible, pragmatist who sees things without emotion. Provides constructive feedback that goads me into action.

And then yesterday. Thursday. He wanted to see pictures of my home. He somehow knew I wasn't feeling great. I hadn't mentioned the migraine I've had for the last 5 days, but he still knew I wasn't myself.

So I worked really hard last year to say my goodbyes and make peace with the fact that he was getting married. He invited me to Atlanta with the implication that if I went, he would call the wedding off. And by implication, I mean non-stop bombarding me.... And then when I didn't show, he spent the next 6 months telling me how hurt he was.

This morning he wants to see me.

It never ends. I find a guy I can be happy with, but who doesn't want to be in a relationship, am being harassed and stalked by a guy who only used me to feed his own narcissism and bolster his image and now a ghost from my past won't let me go... Some would find it flattering. I don't. Not really.

Luckily, I'm wiser than I was when I met MyPast. I know just how far to take it. I know how to make him go away. I just can't make him stay away. Not even when I was married, or now that he is married. So he will always be there. We will always love each other. But I have moved on. One day, he will too.

Until then, I have patience.

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