Ass-inine

Yes, I know I spelt it wrong....

But it so accurately describes Douchebag.

Summer is barely 7 weeks away and the boys' father still has not notified me of which weeks he would like to have them for their vacation. I have emailed him no less than four times in the last two months, but until this week, I had very little in the way of specific plans for them and so was in no real hurry. However, out of the blue on Sunday, my dad asked to have them for a couple of weeks. I know. I was shocked too! So now, I need to buy plane tickets!

Side bar: The court order stipulates that they are supposed to reside with the custodial parent during their time, but I plan on getting that changed and I don't see a judge having a problem with them spending time with their biological parent - especially since their father claims to be such great friends with him!

Anyway, given that I sent an email on Sunday and Douchebag had not responded within a reasonable amount of time, I went ahead and booked their flights to Chicago this morning.... And then emailed Douchebag to let him know which weeks were still available for summer.

His response?

"I have been quite busy and have not been able to review when I will have the boys this summer.  Per the court order "I" choose my vacation dates for the boys, not you.  I will let you know exactly when I will have my summer vacation with the boys in due time."

So this was expected. And I was prepared:

Respectfully, the order does NOT stipulate that you get to chose your vacation weeks. I'm sure the intention of the court is for us to discuss and agree on mutually convenient plans for our children. I have been patient and accommodating in previous years, however my family has asked to spend time with them and it was necessary to make plans sooner rather than later. I have copied the relevant clause in the order relating to summer vacation below:

1.      The holiday schedule shall be as follows:

a.       The minor children will be attending camp during the summer.

b.      The minor child, Georgia Lauryn Prosse, shall be attending volleyball camp in Georgia during this period.

c.       The Defendant shall have the minor children for two non-consecutive weeks of the summer vacation.

d.      The children shall spend the Thanksgiving holiday with the Defendant, from 9am until 9pm, on even numbered years beginning with 2012. The children shall spend the Thanksgiving holiday with the Plaintiff, from 9am until 9pm, on odd numbered years beginning with 2013.

e.       The children shall spend the first part of Christmas from the release of school until 6:00pm on the 27^th of 2012 Plaintiff in even numbered years beginning in 2012. The children shall spend the first part of Christmas from the release of school until 6:00pm on the 27^th of 2012 Defendant in odd numbered years beginning in 2013. 

And of course, he just can't help himself...

Sorry, we don't agree on this - no surprize.  Again, I will let you know when I will have summer vacation with the boys at a later date.

 

Sincerely,

I swear he sub-consciously wants me to win any custody battles. How can he think to co-parent when the word compromise does not exist in his vocabulary? I mean seriously? Or consideration.... So correct me if I'm wrong, but I can find no sentence in the clause above that states he and he alone gets to choose when they visit with him.

I defy him to attempt to spoil this for the kids like he did last year when he knew that we had planned to travel to the UK for my cousin's wedding. My plans are set, plane tickets have been purchased and in this instance, he has no standing. I am not budging on this. He decided to play hardball by filing a Motion for Contempt against me. I will not allow him to control us anymore.

as·i·nineˈasəˌnīn/

adjective

1. 1.

   extremely stupid or foolish.

   "Lydia ignored his asinine remark"

   synonyms:

   stupid, foolish, brainless, mindless, senseless, idiotic, imbecilic,ridiculous, ludicrous, absurd, nonsensical, fatuous, silly, inane,witless, empty-headed;

Placating Platitudes

I have a friend. I know! Shocking, right?!

Anyway, this friend, who shall hereafter be known as DBAGuy, used to work with me at a former employer (hence the name DBAGuy, he was my goto DBA) and is going through a difficult time in his marriage. In a nutshell, he's miserable and wants out, but can't figure out how, so he reached out to me to ask how I did it. Well, he didn't know the struggle I went through and am still going through, so it was a bit of an eye-opener for him. Not the actual legal act of separating, but how bad it got before I made the move. You see, his wife is similar to Douchebag. Oh, not the physical violence, but the asshole attitude, the selfishness etc. The more he explained it to me, the more I felt for him. Sympathy, empathy, grief even. You can tell he was really trying to make it work, but he's gotten himself into the same cycle I got into. A few good weeks and then a few bad, some discussion, and then back to a few good weeks... and so it goes on.

A couple of weeks ago, while I was attempting to relax and enjoy a hard-earned, overly-expensive trip to Jamaica, he asked if we could talk via Skype. He was in a very bad place and had been drinking heavily for a few days. During the 2 or 3 hour conversation (thank God for the free wi-fi), he made a statement that caught me, and I have to agree with him. He hasn't told anyone else about his marital issues, not even family, in large part, he says, because he doesn't want to hear the usual platitudes "It is what it is", "Do what you can", You're strong, you'll get through this". He thanked me for being there for him because not once had I ever used one on him. It knocked me into silence for a few minutes, (during which time he thought the connection had been dropped) but I came back and told him truthfully that it was because in  the 3 years I had been going through it, not once had it helped me to hear that "I'm strong". I know I am, but when you are in the middle of a battle to save your children's home, dealing with the emotions and recovering from being a battered wife (yes, diagnosed as such), keeping a smile on your face becomes the most exhausting thing in the world. And on top of that my own family has barely been there for me, even lumping their own (relatively insignificant problems) onto my shoulders because I'm "the rock".

DBAGuy asks me how I'm doing and genuinely CARES about the answer. When I told him the gory details he actually responded with "Wow, no one had any idea you were even going through any of that". So he's become my pseudo-therapist. It's cathartic to be able to speak to him and his responses are not to placate me, they are to help me. He helped me make a decision between the two fabulous job offers; he's listened to and talked me through the myriad issues of having a teenage daughter and as a result my relationship with her is improving; he invites himself over with a bottle of wine and we talk for hours. I haven't got to the point where I'm comfortable enough to cry in front of him yet, but I haven't felt the need to blog about what's going on because I've had someone there.

I'm a firm believer that people come into our lives at certain times for a reason, so although I worked with him a while ago, we really didn't start hanging out in social settings until after I'd left the company, but right around mid-October when I was starting to hit rock bottom, is when he started to open up and talk to me about his issues. I didn't start talking until after Christmas, but that's because it takes me a while to trust now. I still have so many hurdles, and so many bad days, but the hurdles seem slightly less daunting, the bad days have a friend at the end of the phone ready with a bottle of wine and I feel a little more confident that I can and will get through it. He has taught me that I am worthy and I deserve more.

And he will always have a special place in my heart.

The 3 B's

Pretty much all I need for vacation is the three B's: bed, beach and bar....

Mostly because with the way my life is right now, I really just want kickback and relax when I do get a chance to vacation.

So by Sunday, I finally hit jackpot...

We had an awesome "tour guide" called Rhoan for the day. Drove us the 200 miles to Ochos Rios found a waterfall for a photo opp for us and then took us to a little, out-of-the-way beach in St Ann's where I finally got to swim in the Caribbean! Yay!

I was kinda bummed that I didn't get to try some of the famous Devon House I scream, but maybe I'll plan a return....

The food at Usain Bolt's restaurant was incredible and in typical fashion I ordered too much and only ate about half, but that's ok; I got a taste of everything :-)

Now I'm heading back to reality. I missed my kids! Still need to get the boys a lil something because I didn't get the opportunity over the weekend, but Baby Girl got spoilt as usual. I love that I can do that for them.