Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Baby girl is growing up

Mixed emotions this week. My Baby girl is turning 13 tomorrow. I'm so proud to see her growing up and become a young lady and yet traumatised by the thought that I'm old enough to have a teen.... who has a boyfriend. Well.... she says they're not, but I wish I had a friend who was a boy in middle school who gave me Valentine's Day gifts... I never got Valentine's Day gifts in grade school. Actually, I've rarely had Valentine's gifts...

So this is my last day as a mother of three children... tomorrow I will have an adolescent, 3 years away from her first drivers license, 5 years away from her first vote, first legal drink (yes, I will be taking her to England for her 18th!) etc, etc.

I asked her what she wanted for her birthday. She gave me the name of a video game. That her baby brother wants. SMH. She has the most generous soul when it comes to her brothers.

Friday, April 26, 2013

How's that for an ego-boost?

So I've had a shitty week. Emotionally I mean. It's been a mostly 'normal' week in terms of work, school, kids, etc, but emotionally, I was a bit of a wreck. Compounded by the fact that I felt abandoned when I really needed friends, it was definitely one of the toughest weeks I've had in a while. Nothing really changed, but every now and then I have a mini-meltdown. During those rare times, I become more like a needy, weepy, wuss than the rock everyone seems to expect, so is it so terrible that I expect someone to be MY rock for a change? Well, this week apparently, it was a little too much to ask for and I had to get through it on my own. I'm still not ready to go into detail, but let's just say when I wrote down a list of all that was bothering me, that I have to deal with - alone- it was overwhelming. I cried. Great big heaving sobs. On the floor of my closet. Alone. It hurt, but it showed me something. I am a really good friend.

So anyway, yesterday I was better. I was able to talk to Elle, the sales admin at work. I had to apologise for ignoring her when she tried to reach out to me the day before, but she understood. She listened, didn't patronise me with the usual useless platitudes. Didn't berate me. Her comments and feedback were encouraging, and I appreciated her all the more for it. So by the time I left to get the kids to their piano lesson I was halfway on my way to being back to normal. My firefighter had been in a Homeland Security class all day, but got out early, so I suggested he come over, but by the time I was done with errands, it was getting late, so we rescheduled for this evening. I got home bouncing full of energy, so I had the kids clean out their mess from my car while I cleaned inside the house and started dinner. I poured myself a drink and read my book in the quiet while they 'cleaned' my car. Then after dinner and the kids had finished their homework, the four of them (my daughter's friend had come over for dinner) played X-Box for a while. Golden opportunities do not often present themselves like that so I poured myself another drink and went upstairs, showered and washed my hair. I put MC on Throwback Jams, cranked the volume as loud as I dared and happily sang along while drying my hair.

Around 9pm, still buck-naked, I unlocked my door, stuck my head out and told the brats to brush their teeth and go to bed, closed the door and went back to dancing around my room. I had decided to go to the Alehouse to play pool for a bit since I apparently wasn't going to sleep. So I came out of my bathroom, stepped into my closet, quietly noticing my door had crept open. My daughter had come in to talk while I dressed, so I thought nothing of it and carried on perusing my closet for something to wear.... 60 seconds later I about hit the ceiling when the baby (he's 7, I really should stop calling him the baby) jumped out from behind me in the closet! No telling how long the little rat had been hiding in there, but he took several years off my life!

So anyway, this apparently is taking longer than I thought to get to the good part....

I haven't been to the Alehouse to play pool in a few months. Not since the firefighter and I got a little more serious than originally planned. That's a blog for another day! There are quite a few regular players who I'm friendly enough with so I knew I'd get a game or two. Harry was there. He's one of my favourites. Pushing 80 years old at least, he's always good fun and winning goes back and forth between us. I lost last night. In fact I lost pretty much every game except the last two, but that's not the point of my story. I didn't play badly. I just didn't play to my usual caliber, but last night was different in that I had an audience... that kept growing. It was a little unnerving. All of the male species. Some were a little more forward than others and outright complimented me. Others just quietly stood by and discussed the merits of how I could make incredibly difficult shots and missed the easy ones lined up in front the pockets. This is not something I'm used to and I'm terrible at receiving compliments. I don't blush easy, but if you want to see it, just tell me I'm pretty. Some tried to buy me drinks, but I was driving, so was on sweet tea. One tried to pass off his quarters as mine when I tried to leave. Followed me outside to return my quarters... that weren't mine. It was kinda cute. So trying to shoot pool with a crowd of 'admirers' apparently isn't easy and threw me off my game, but I went home with a buzz.

A well needed boost to my self-esteem. Last night I earned the moniker the bar-staff gave me months ago "Hot chick".

Monday, April 22, 2013

I did it! Yay!!

I am so proud of me!! Yes, I spent an excruciating afternoon Saturday recovering, but it was so worth it!! I finished in 2 hours and 10 minutes, pretty much spot on my goal pace of 12:30mins/mile and I was not LAST! I came in 3206 of the 3288 who finished, which sounds horrendous, but 5000 turned up, so I think I did pretty damn good to finish!

I managed to stop at the ABC store and Harris Teeter on the way home, despite tears in my eyes. Some serious pain in my back and legs and Plantar Fasciitis in both feet made it difficult to walk, but I met the challenge and that was the most important part. However, that being said, I would much rather endure natural childbirth again before that pain... I'm still a little sore and had to change my heels for flip flops today, but we'll see how much damage was done when I go for an ortho checkup tomorrow.

That being said, I signed up for the Raleigh Color Vibe in June today ;-)

And my firefighter was awesome. I crashed at his place Friday since he lives closer to the course, and he was totally ok with me falling asleep shortly after dinner, lol. And then made sure I was up and hydrated around 5:30am. I should have accepted his offer to come out and support me, but it was cold and would have been boring for him to sit and wait. Look at me being considerate! Idiot! I could barely make it back to my car to drive home! The kids had stayed at a neighbour's house, so all I had to worry about was getting home to shower.... that was another challenge all on it's own! I really wanted to wash my hair too, but with every muscle literally screaming at me, I gave up and laid down for a nap before my firefighter came with movies.... we watched Sinister, which oddly did not frighten me as much as I thought it would (awesome movie, highly recommend it). And then I ordered pizza... should have let him get the damn door. I swear it took several minutes for me to shuffle over and open it. The pizza guy knocked like 3 times!

The kids elected to sleepover Saturday night as well, so I was tucked up in bed by 8 after taking an anti-inflammatory AND a pain killer, I still woke at midnight in no small amount of pain! I woke again at 7am feeling slightly more human and was able to go to the bathroom without crying, but after brushing my teeth, I crawled back into bed to await my firefighter who was bringing me breakfast. It was 12:30 before I was able to make it to the shower.... By 6pm I was relatively 'normal' and cooked us dinner before the kids came home, but that was all I could take and was back in bed and knocked out before 9pm. God bless pharmaceuticals...

I tried my usual heels this morning, but before I'd reached the first traffic light, I had switched to flip flops. With a beautiful week of weather predicted, I'm sure I'll be back out before the end of the week... Providing the specialist doesn't ground my stubborn ass....

Friday, April 19, 2013

Momentary loss of judgement?

So September 29 2012, I completed my first 5k in about 17 or 18 years. I did it in 27 minutes, which I was pretty impressed with! Shortly thereafter a friend of mine, who shall remain nameless suggested I take part in the UNC TarHeel 10 Miler with her on April 20 2013. Like an idiot and still feeling invincible after the charity run in September, I paid the $45 fee and signed up...

What in the WORLD was I thinking??

So I kinda half-heartedly began training. And by training I mean doing a short core workout at home, maybe a short 2 mile run until the weather got too cold, sometimes made it to the gym... In January, while working on some core strengthening, I felt a sharp snap in my left hip and ended up prone on my bedroom floor in agony for about an hour while I waited for the pain killers to kick in. A visit to the orthopedic specialist and I'm told I've probably torn the labrum ligament... Damn! However, an MRI showed only minor damage, mostly wear and tear and I was prescribed aquatic and massage therapy. Surgery to repair the cartilage damage is optional, but it seems the pain is coming from the herniated disk in my lower back courtesy of my ex-husband. The therapy will alleviate it they said. Sadly, they also suggested that I not compete :-(

The specialist does not know me well. I'm stubborn. So I did the therapy, although I'm not fond of the stench of chlorine from the pool, so I gave that up, but the massage helped and the pain in the hip subsided enough that I was able to put in a couple of miles a day. I still have not made it past 5 miles though. And tomorrow's the day....

So I have on standby: tramadol, flexeril, and meloxicam for pain relief, a heat pad and ice packs, a nursemaid (the wonderful guy I've been dating has elected to come and hang out when I get home) and crutches. Yes, dammit, crutches. I'm determined to cross the line under my own steam. I do not need to win the race, I won't be breaking any land-speed records, but my goal is to finish. Within the 2.5 hour allotted time-frame. And then I promise. No more ridiculous challenges that will likely only end up in my own self-inflicted pain. And I-Told-You-So's from friends and family.

So I've hydrated all week, stayed away from alcohol, increased the complex carbs, but not too much and tried to get a decent amount of sleep (not easy as a single mother of three!). Wherever I finish at least I can say I did not give up!

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Dear Curly, I love you...

Curly is my big sister. I can't remember the name of the guy who gave her the nickname Curly Joe, but I have faithfully kept to it since we were in our teens. Anyway, she is a happily married mother-of-three who now enjoys listening to my antics as I adjust to having to date again. I think she secretly enjoys her normally confident and somewhat strong-willed lil sis fretting over whether or not he likes me.... So anyway, after a heart-to-heart last night, she finally put things into perspective for me. I am dating a guy who is very much like my sister and since I love her to pieces and wouldn't change who she is, I guess I was fussing over nothing. My sister and I are polar opposites and have always gotten along (except the usual sibling falling outs). She is down-to-earth and sensible, I'm a little off-the-wall and crazy. She grounded me as a child growing up, I taught her to live a little and get into trouble. It's not a bad thing to be dating someone so similar to someone I love so much.

 So I wanted to send a shout-out and let her know she is awesome!

We talk more now as adults. Well, ok, so I do most of the talking, but she is the best friend and sister I could possibly have. Even when I call her way past her 9pm bedtime, she patiently listens to me over-analysing 'does he like me' dilemmas. She knows all my secrets and I know some of hers, but she never judges. And when I desperately needed someone yesterday, she was there, as always.

I should probably also give props to my awesome brother-in-law, who was very patient with me keeping her on the phone so long. Much appreciated!