No interpretation needed

Ok, so here's the update to my last post.

With a little Dutch courage I was able to find an appropriate time to fling out the statement that if the distance was becoming a problem, he needs to let me know. So after he gave me a playful nudge he said he just wishes we were closer, so I told him he should move next time his lease is up for renewal... I got a "mmhmm" with a smile in response. And then I let it drop.

The other fun topic was the pic his nephew posted of himself in skinny jeans. Something we both intensely dislike. Apparently I have to be the one to tell his nephew next time I see him that they're not cute... smh. And ladies, if you're curvy OR stick-thin, you shouldn't wear them either. The only body type that suits them is long-legged, Tom-boy figured girls. Like Baby Girl...

So anyway, his lease isn't up until May 2014. A lot of things can change between now and then...

Lost in Translation

So 8 or 9 months ago, as I was getting up to leave Firefighter's to drive home one night, he made a statement that at the time, I took as a joke. "You live too far away". My answer was that since I own my home, he would need to be the one to move closer... And then I forgot about it as we seemed to settle into a pattern of me staying over on the Friday's that I took the boys to their dad, and Baby Girl would crash at a neighbours'.

And then strangely, it came up again Thursday night.

I was supposed to go to the Alehouse to watch the Niners game, but by the time 8pm rolled around, I was half asleep on the couch. I had told him earlier in the evening that sometimes it's no fun to watch the games alone. There was no hidden agenda to get him to come over to watch, it was just a simple statement that I prefer to watch some games with friends, but it prompted him to say that it was too bad we don't live closer together. Well, I wasn't going to go down that track again.

But now I wonder if I should have addressed it instead of changing the subject. Firefighter doesn't always come out with what he really wants to say, 99% of the time just hints around it. Especially the 'relationship' stuff. Like the steaks in his freezer that he made a point of telling me about last night. He's waiting for me to offer to cook them for him again, like last time (he doesn't cook). Sometimes I amuse myself, by being purposefully obtuse and making him spell it out... but there is only two ways that a conversation about the distance between our homes could go...

1. The distance is too far to maintain this 'friendship' for much longer
2. One of us has to move, and I own my home... but he would be moving further from his work.

I could drive myself nuts with various other scenarios, but I'm not going to. I think we're both a little surprised by where we've ended up, but we're willing to go with the flow.

Small Boost of Confidence

Sometimes I question who the Hell let me be a mum... and then I have days like yesterday and I get a little extra confidence boost that all three of my children will reach adulthood and possibly even be moderately successful human beings....

Baby Girl went out for Pep Band this year, and last night was the first home game of the season. So I not only had to drop her at school at 7:15am, I had to get her back to the stadium by 6pm for the game... I left work at 4:15pm, scooped up her brothers, got them home by 5pm, dinner on the table by 5:20 and everyone in the car and out the door by 5:50pm.... I was sort of impressed, even if dinner consisted of Ramen noodles, lol. It was actually their choice. Mac n Cheese with chicken nuggets would have been just as easily accomplished.

We were home just after 8:15pm, got the boys homework done, forms signed, report cards reviewed and I was still in bed by 9pm. Exhausted, but still got to catch the season 9 opener of Criminal Minds!!

Success!!

Today's goal: Stay awake through the Niners-Rams game. Since I'm hoping to go to the Alehouse to watch it, this shouldn't be too much of a challenge. I hope. Could otherwise be embarrassing if I fall asleep at the bar :-s

Side Note: While sitting with Lil One helping with his homework, I made reference to Shemar Moore waiting for me in my bedroom... at which point Onyx let out a cute little meow... perfectly timed, with just the right amount of emphasis... Yep, she's a keeper ;-)

Pesky cat....

Funny story. I keep forgetting I now have a fourth to consider when making plans....

I hadn't made much effort lately to think ahead to the weekend, but since I am childless all weekend, yesterday I asked Firefighter if he wanted me to come over Friday or Saturday. He answered yes, so I facetiously asked which and let him know that I had to take Baby Girl to my girlfriends house for a full weekend sleepover and that I was going to stay and have a bit of a catch up with her. So he said to come over after and then I would already be there for Saturday....

This morning I remembered Onyx.... and that I have an appointment at Dior Saturday afternoon... and need to go to the nail salon before that. <sigh>

So I figured, run to the nail salon, then the mall, back to my place, check on Onyx, then back to Firefighter in time to make the 6:45 movie... His response made much more sense. His place Friday night, my place Saturday night, which is closer to our church anyway...

Today is Onyx's first day all by herself since Baby Girl had to go to school for pep band so we'll see if she manages to poop in the litter box.... I'm sure she can manage Friday night by herself.... I hope...

**UPDATE**

So I forgot to provide an update! There were no 'surprises' left by Onyx when we all returned home although she had clearly missed us :-)

Feeling positive

So I've been feeling a little off lately... I've been itching to get out more, but everyone seems to be busy or simply forgets that I exist...

I've been wanting to see a few movies, maybe have a few drinks, but got no response when I invited others out. I guess that's a negative effect of having spent all my weekends with Firefighter, but still, I sometimes feel like I only get invited out when it's someone's birthday or special occasion. Rarely is it just because.

But then the "Director of First Impressions" at my last company (yes, she named herself that as the receptionist and I think it's awesome, so she shall be known as the Director), sent me a few messages wanting to have Baby Girl over for a sleepover with her teen daughter. For a whole weekend! She asked if it would be ok... ummmm... Hell Yeah!! So I asked if this upcoming weekend was too soon, since the boys will be with their dad, and I would bring a bottle of wine so we can have a catch up. We chatted on the phone for a bit, but now I have some company to look forward to! She is doing amazingly well. She had been going through a struggle with her daughter's father to get the visitation that had been ordered by the court and I had provided her with the necessary forms, information and motivation to get it done! And she goes to court Thursday to get it enforced!! I couldn't be happier for her, so hopefully Friday will be celebratory as well!!

Ok, I over-did the !'s but I am just that happy for her.

I'm also back in court this week, but we've had to file for a continuance, so it's just a formality... Hopefully. And then next week, I am a witness for the prosecution in Douchebag's stalking trial. I'm a little nervous, but also glad to finally get it over with. I'm apprehensive about the outcome. I sincerely hope, with all the domestic-related murders in recent years, that they take this seriously. Is he at risk of pulling a gun on me, or dismembering my body and tossing it in a 'gator infested creek in Texas? Probably not, but he is a danger to my sanity and is disrupting the harmony I should be entitled to live in. My decision to divorce him does not give him the right to harass me unchecked for as long and however he pleases....

Ready to move on?

So this weekend, I thought I would try something new... Firefighter stayed over Saturday night, so Sunday morning, I decided to cook and serve breakfast 'en famille' with him sitting at the other end of the table. I just wanted to see how everyone would react. We've had dinner at the table with George, but usually the boys are with their dad or we eat in front of the TV with the kids at the table, but it's always been dinner, not breakfast, so it's never really been a 'thing'. Anyway, the kids mostly took it in stride. Bad Boy seemed a little shy to be the first to sit at the table with Firefighter since Lil One and Baby Girl were helping me in the kitchen, but ultimately, it felt 'OK'.

Then I kicked the kids outside for the day. It was glorious and there was no reason for them to be cooped up inside. I would have loved to have been outside, but the football was on... I even ignored two phone calls from my mother because of the game. And I'm still disgusted with her to be honest.

Anyway, Sunday was spent in sort of domesticated bliss... and yet I wasn't really happy. Don't get me wrong. He is lovely and would make an awesome partner, but that's the problem. He is obviously happy with me, and he is smitten with Onyx, is getting along with the kids, we spend a lot of time on my side of the fence.... but there is no getting in on his side. So I spoke with a girlfriend about it over the weekend. I'm just not in the frame of mind to put any more effort in. I've unconsciously backed off over the last couple of months, since he sent his email clarifying what he wants, only now, I find that he seems just as conflicted as I am.

I started out last year not wanting a relationship. I wanted someone to hang out with occasionally and have lots of amazing sex... then there was the incident last November which prompted me to let him know I don't play those kinds of games and he seemed to change track a lil bit. Now he seems content with the part-time relationship we have. I say part-time because during the week we are single, but on the weekends we are, if possible, spending EVEN more time together. But it's always at one or the other of our homes. I am loathe to initiate any outings, mostly because I feel like we spend all our time with my friends, and none with his. Despite having said in July that he wants to be able to spend time with his friends, he still blows them off to sit in front of the TV with me. If I make plans that do not include him, he seems to get upset, but why should I include him in my life, if he won't include me in his?

So on Sunday, while chillaxin' on the couch, I could tell he was confused about why I didn't 'snuggle' with him. I usually drop not so subtle hints about him sitting next to me so I can lay on him. This weekend, I held myself apart. He soon contrived ways to rest an arm on me or scooch closer somehow. More than once I caught him looking at me. I'm sure he was completely lost as to the change, but frankly, I'm a little perturbed. I mean, choose a status, dammit. The upcoming weekend, my boys are with their dad and I know his assumption will be that I will stay at his place, but there's a part of me that says I need to not do that. I think after a year we have three options:

1. Stop having sex and just be friends;
2. Stop being friends and just have sex;
3. Call a spade a spade and outwardly declare that we are in a relationship.

Option 4 is to continue as we are, but with birthdays and holidays around the corner, there are defining points to each of the above that dictate how we treat each, for example:

Option 1: It's acceptable to give a card, go out for a meal or drinks, buy an inexpensive, impersonal gift;
Option 2: Give him a birthday fuck and keep it moving;
Option 3: Buy him something special (he's turning 40) and expect to plan and attend family celebrations...

Option 4... Same as last year, wait for him to decide if\when he wants to include me in his birthday plans.

I'm frankly not bothered about my birthday this year. I put in too much time and money last year to only have one friend actually show up... This year I am strongly debating selfishly buying a ticket to the Niners game in DC and going alone....

The subject of Christmas has come up and he asked if he was included on my gift list and let me know that he doesn't HAVE to work every Christmas, but I have not made any plans yet, and probably won't until mid-November anyway.

I won't bring it up to him again. I guess it's the attentiveness that I miss. I care pretty deeply for him. I would like to think he has a degree of caring for me too, and I sometimes wonder if it's a self-defense mechanism that he is withholding any signs of feelings from me, but I also wonder if he realises the damage that that is causing to what could be a decent relationship. I keep trying to give him more time, but I also hate the unknown Sarah who caused him to be this way...

Blessed

Every now and then I get a little chill when I look at my family. Yes, I have two boys that sometimes I'm fairly sure are intentionally trying to drive me to the Nut House, and Baby Girl, who is trying to drive me to the Poor House, but every now and then.... just a little chill because I love them all so dearly.

As I mentioned yesterday, I am not feeling well. I can't put a name to it or any real symptoms except for extreme exhaustion and mild 'other' symptoms that come and go. And for the last two weeks I have been trying to get the house ready for the holidays (i.e. new toys). I do it every year. Just blitz everything and take it to Goodwill, or have a yard sale. Usually I attempt this massive task by myself, but this year I decided that they are all more than old enough to 'help'. The boys room now looks worse than before they started, they've taken TWO garbage bags full of crap out... and I'm sure there's more.  "Crap" includes Happy Meal type toys, food wrappers (yes, imagine that, they ignore the no-eating-upstairs rule), broken toys etc. And then the rest they are supposed to sort into 'sellable', 'keep', 'donate' piles... So far, it's one massive pile - all over the floor!

So last night, they made a sizable dent in the mess and we're reduced down to allocating new homes for the toys they are keeping, deciding what can be sold and re-organizing their closet. It's exhausting, daunting and I'm not enjoying it, and I was so tired last night that I collapsed on their bean bag with a glass of wine and took a nap while the boys 'tidied' their room (sounded more like playing to me), Onyx climbed up and dozed on my shoulder and Baby Girl cleaned the bathrooms. They didn't even pester me for dinner until it was almost 8pm. It's these moments that I realise how special they are. Genuinely exhausted, struggling to be the best parent I can be, there are times when they stop being brats and turn into lovely little humans...

That being said, while 'tidying' their room, they dragged out their Kung Zhu pets... these resemble hamsters and make little squeaky noises... so we decided to see if Onyx liked them. I see much hilarity in my future watching the silly bugger chasing these around...

So now I just have to get through today after waking up at 1:30am... the drive home from Wilson will be a long one. I'm so glad it's Friday tomorrow. I have no plans at all that do not include my sofa, my TV and a bottle of wine :-)

It's not even 8am yet...

Sooooo.... I haven't been feeling well the last couple days. Actually it's been a few weeks, but I've been up and down, good days and bad. Anyway, the last couple of evenings, I've been in bed, knocked out well before 9pm. This morning, my alarm goes off at 4:30am as usual. I hit snooze twice, and then woke up properly at 5am, did my usual perusal of emails and messages that I missed from the overnight. (I put my phone on block between 9:30pm and 6am or I'd never get any peace) and then rolled out of bed around 5:30am. So I go to wake the kids up and Baby Girl is not in her bed... yep, she slept downstairs again. Now this is something that I have been annoyed with her over for some time now, so I have now said that I will take her TV from her room if she does it again... This morning I have to take her to school early for band practice, so in my head I have the logistics worked out:

Leave home by 6:25am to get the boys to the bus at 6:45am
Head straight over to get Baby Girl to school by 7am, which is on the way to the Wilson office... I should get to work before 8am.

Here's what happened:

5:50am Lil One was told repeatedly to put a shirt on.
6am Bad Boy was up and dressed with minimal fuss (miracles occasionally happen)
Baby Girl took her obligatory 30+ minutes in the bathroom
6:10am Onyx scampered around distracting everyone in turn, so I picked her up and put her on my bed to keep her out of the kids way. She promptly peed on my comforter.
6:22am Baby Girl finally comes downstairs to feed Onyx
The boys are in the car waiting (it's now 6:25am)
Baby Girl loads my comforter into the trunk and off we go. It's 6:32am

We miss the boys bus by 2 minutes.... damn red lights
I drive to Baby Girl's school. It's 7:00am, too early to let her out, we sit and play games. I turn to look at Lil One.... he's still wearing only his undershirt.... I yelled at him no less (but probably more) than 4 times to get a shirt on and yet, here he is grinning at me from the back seat....
At 7:10am I evict Baby Girl from the car and head into rush hour traffic to get the boys to school.
7:45am We pull up just as the final bell rings. Yay, no tardy for them! I then head to Walmart to pick up a shirt for Lil One. I spend $45... (Damn you Walmart!!) in 5 minutes. Head back to school and drop off the shirt to a very amused school office.

So no drive into Wilson today, I head to the Raleigh office...

I arrive at around 8am....

Firefighter texted to say good morning and ask how I'm feeling. I tell him I'm going to the doctor today. I probably won't but he fusses... Then he tells me to text when I'm not busy. Hah!! I share the awesome news that my calendar is full from 10am-4pm... but I'll still find time to chat with him.

Welcome Onyx

So yesterday was one Helluva crazy day!! But it was awesome all the same.

I came up with 5 different name options for the new kitten: Onyx, Wicca, Jynx, Ashes and Sweets. I sent them to Firefighter and asked him which was his favourite. This was done on purpose. I had a feeling I might need a tie-break!! The boys were a mix of excited and happy when they got home and found we had adopted a new family member. So I gave all three of them the 5 names to choose from and this is how it went:

Lil One: Onyx
Bad Boy: Ashes
Baby Girl: Ashes
Me: Onyx

So we did indeed need the tie-break. Firefighter had opted for...

Onyx.

He picked at me a little bit because I hadn't told him that I had taken the kitten home, but I guess that's because I still don't know quite what the boundaries are. He had pestered me for a while about getting a dog for the kids. Anyway, he was actually happy about the new addition and grilled me about her the whole evening. He also decided on where she should sleep. My room, lol!

$94 later spent at PetSmart and Onyx now has a potty, food and water dishes, collars and toys and food! We haven't bought her a bed yet as the vet was only 90% sure she was a girl, but we're happy Onyx is unisex enough to keep the name either way. And she's only, approximately 4 weeks old!

Skittish, she hides a lot, but she is starting to come out and explore. She sleeps A LOT. At 4:30am this morning she was wandering around my bed like she owned the place!! I still have some apprehension over how long before she does something to annoy me, but so far Baby Girl is all about the care and keeping of Onyx and the boys have agreed to pitch in.

We will see how that goes...

She has pooped though... once in the guest bath tub downstairs (no one uses it anyway) and this morning on my sectional (that I plan on giving to DoucheBag at some point anyway). <Sigh> Stil working on getting her in the litter box...

Crazy Day! And it's only lunchtime!

My day so far:

6: 45am Made it to the boys bus stop ON TIME

7:10am Dropped Baby Girl at Pep Band practice

            Spent 50 minutes at the gym

8:10am Picked Baby Girl up from practice

9:00am Dealt with DirecTV tech and now have 4 working boxes again (YAY!)

10:30am Picked up a new kitten

12:00pm And finally made it to work.

Yes, that's right a new kitten. Me who hates pets... She's so darn cute!! A neighbour found her abandoned in some bushes in our neighbourhood. She's is the tiniest little thing. So I've left her at home with a very excited Baby Girl! It was an impulse, but the kids have been asking, Firefighter has been hinting and ok, so I caved... It's a cat. They're so much easier than dogs!!

And then after work it's pick up the boys, get them haircuts (picture day tomorrow), get them home for dinner and homework, finish the overhaul of their room and then head out for my neighbour's 21st birthday celebration around 10:30pm .... phew! Exhausted much? Yes!!

Man Crush LOL

Sooooo... today's post is all about Firefighter, just because this makes me laugh every time it comes up. I tease him mercilessly, but he takes it on the chin.

There is a guy who works at the same company as Firefighter. Not in the same department and in fact, they don't even really have a reason to cross paths very often, but whenever this guy sees Firefighter he stops and chats. He has on occasion made sure that he is in the on-site cafe at the same time and made an immediate beeline for Firefighter's table. He even makes him his 'special chili'...

A few months ago he bought a new TV and asked Firefighter to help him carry it into his apartment. Now we had plans that day, so I said it was fine to wait until he had heard from Friend (we'll call him that, because it amuses me). Friend wasn't entirely sure when he was going to get the TV, so we were on hold waiting for a phone call. Here's where it gets funny. Firefighter would normally tell me that he would let me know when he was done with whatever favour he was helping with, and I think we were going to dinner so it was no big deal to have to wait a lil bit, but instead this time he told me to come over to his place anyway and we would go out from Friend's place.... Safety in numbers, ya think? That's exactly what it was. Every step of the way he let Friend know that we had plans and couldn't stay etc etc.

Now Firefighter wasn't entirely convinced Friend was gay. I hadn't even met the guy and I already knew from what I had been told. And it was easy to see he has a huge crush on Firefighter. His face when he met me was priceless. Firefighter has never introduced anyone he's dating to his colleagues, or even his family, so he gets teased by the ladies at work about me all the time, but Friend was crestfallen to see a living breathing female accompanying his crush. He covered it up well. Was friendly and cordial, even loaned me one of his movies...

So today is his birthday. Last year he bought Firefighter a watch for his birthday. Yeah, that's what I thought. Firefighter didn't realise the implications of receiving a fairly personal, and not inexpensive, gift from another man who was not related to him. On Saturday, he asks me what to get Friend for his birthday, so I go through the usual male gift list: sports paraphernalia, restaurants, gadgets etc. He's apparently not into any of the usual, male-approved gift options... He likes candles and incense, I could have bought him a gift easily if he was my friend, but he's not.... so by Sunday afternoon, we still hadn't come up with anything, so I told him he would have to just go with a gift card. Impersonal, no mixed signals, easy. So he bought him a Tropical Smoothie gift card because that is a place that Firefighter knows he likes to go to.

Firefighter turns 40 in December. I can't wait to see what gift he gets. I may have competition!! And that's a-whole-nother post....

Setting the Rules of a Flirtationship

So I came across a pic on Facebook this weekend that accurately describes what Firefighter and I have. It was actually just words: FLIRTATIONSHIP; More than a friendship, less than a relationship. It still feels like it lessens the fact that we have strong feelings for each other, but it's better than "Casual friends" which is what we had previously used.

We had a comfortable weekend though. Some might say almost domesticated. It was my weekend with my sons after three weekends without them, but Firefighter still managed to finagle a way to get me to come over Friday night, ostensibly to set up his new router.... I had only planned to set it up, have maybe one drink and then head back home. But Friday morning he asked if pizza was ok for dinner. I chuckled to myself at his attempt at subtlety. When I arrived at his place around 7 on Friday and asked where the new router was, he grinned and said it was already set up. 'Someone' had told him it was easy... So I asked if it was painful admitting that I had been right, lol.

My usual habit is to drink 2-3 glasses of wine, sometimes he breaks out the Goldschlager, but I had already said that I couldn't stay since Baby Girl was babysitting the boys, so when I had got 2/3 of the way through my second glass and he tried to pour me another, I had to remind him that I had to drive. I was somewhat surprised when he looked disappointed, but I ended up taking a short, post-coital nap anyway. He had made an attempt at sexting this week. He's kinda shy, and my previous attempts have been mostly PG-13, however, by the time 'bedtime' rolled around, to say I was pleasantly surprised is an understatement... the teasing definitely kicked things up a notch!

Saturday was a busy day for me with hair appointments, trips to the mall, cleaning at home and then chasing the kids to get their messes cleaned up, then dinner with Firefighter, my BFF and her boyfriend before we all headed to another BFF's birthday party. Being the 'old folks' at the party, we were both ready to leave by 11pm, so we went back to his place. I tried to leave, but then he asked if I was going to come hangout for a bit, but when we got inside instead of heading for the couch, he headed for the bedroom... I laid fully dressed and dozed in and out for a few hours, he went to sleep. I got up to leave around 2am when he went for a bottle of water. He wasn't pleased when I showed up in the kitchen dressed to leave, which brings me to Sunday...

Football is back and I am oh-so-happy! Firefighter came over at lunch and we hunkered down with chips and dip, wine, etc... The kids had trashed their room and the loft, so I kicked them out. It was a beautiful day with no reason for them to be inside. The early games were kind of slow, so we chit-chatted about the party the night before, his friend who's birthday is tomorrow (will tell you about that), and then some upcoming plans for football games, birthdays etc and how to work out the logistics. It was chilled, and normal, and it was 'we' not 'I' or 'you'.

I know the day will come when we have to make a decision, but until then, as long as we can deal with the 40 minute drive and my crazy schedule, at least we both are happy.

The Past in my Future

17 years ago I met a man. We fell in love. And then we separated. We both agree we should never have separated, but the situations over the years have never allowed us to get back together. It's just never been 'Our Time'.

But now he's back. Married. But determined. He does not plan to leave me alone.

Over the last year he has stayed in touch. At times, it's purely sexual. Those times annoy me, but they are becoming fewer. Over the last month, he has steadily reeled me back in to the conversations we used to have. The other day, he pissed me off suggesting that once he, and his wife, move to NC, that I make myself available for a purely sexual relationship. I have it in writing from him so I will always have proof should his wife find out, but it irked me as well.

And then things changed. Wednesday we spoke on the phone for 20 minutes. He's jealous of Firefighter. It's there in the questions he asks about him. He is genuinely concerned for my safety with my ex still floating around. And he's still a sounding board for whatever issues I'm dealing with at home. Ever the sensible, pragmatist who sees things without emotion. Provides constructive feedback that goads me into action.

And then yesterday. Thursday. He wanted to see pictures of my home. He somehow knew I wasn't feeling great. I hadn't mentioned the migraine I've had for the last 5 days, but he still knew I wasn't myself.

So I worked really hard last year to say my goodbyes and make peace with the fact that he was getting married. He invited me to Atlanta with the implication that if I went, he would call the wedding off. And by implication, I mean non-stop bombarding me.... And then when I didn't show, he spent the next 6 months telling me how hurt he was.

This morning he wants to see me.

It never ends. I find a guy I can be happy with, but who doesn't want to be in a relationship, am being harassed and stalked by a guy who only used me to feed his own narcissism and bolster his image and now a ghost from my past won't let me go... Some would find it flattering. I don't. Not really.

Luckily, I'm wiser than I was when I met MyPast. I know just how far to take it. I know how to make him go away. I just can't make him stay away. Not even when I was married, or now that he is married. So he will always be there. We will always love each other. But I have moved on. One day, he will too.

Until then, I have patience.

Setting a Precedent...

Had an interesting chat with Firefighter today. I can't remember how the subject came up, but we were talking about gift giving. Last year, my dilemma was different. Our relationship was 'casual', so that to me means that I get out of gift-giving.... however, Firefighter gave me a gift for my birthday, unexpectedly, which meant that I then had to get him a gift for his birthday, which was right before Christmas, so I bought him an inexpensive gift for Christmas and he got me one... then my girlfriend informed me that he had gotten me a Valentine's gift. It snow-balled from there....

<Sigh>

So. My mum has a policy, which I have adopted for myself, because, well it make sense. My older sister, Curly, went through a phase. During this phase she had, oh, let's say around 6 or 7 boyfriends. So to avoid spending money on someone who may or may not make it through to the next holiday, my mum initiated the following:

1. First year, you get a card (if less than 6 months), with a bottle of booze (if more than 6months)
2. Second year, you get an inexpensive gift, usually humourous
3. Third year, you're almost family, you get something slightly more expensive, that you can actually use or wear or whatever is appropriate. 
4. Fourth year, you're family and the gift is probably joint if we're living together or easily shared if we're not... (for Christmas).

So, I haven't really shared my 'relationship' with my mum. She knows I'm seeing someone, but very little else. On purpose. It's casual, not committed so why say anything? Yes, I feel guilty. His family know all about me. And his best friends. Well, actually, no I don't feel guilty. This is what he wants.

Last year, I paid for his dinner at Hooters with his high school buddies and bought him a Cowboys t-shirt. His 40th is coming up and I was planning on either throwing him a nice shin-dig, or buying him the Microsoft Surface that I know he'd love. The $349 RT version, not the $999 Pro.

Anyway, the dark side of me won out today. While talking about appropriate gifts for 'significant' others, I let slip that I follow the same premise as my mum and that those in my inner circle get gifts from Saks. This really isn't anything new to him since I bought his best friends new daughter gifts from Saks and I hadn't even met them... and then let drop that since I've only had 2 boyfriends, my mum has only had to invoke this rule twice for me. 

So. My birthday is up first. He is frugal, yet thoughtful and I know he doesn't have the resources that I do, but it will be interesting to see what he comes up with. I sincerely hope that it's not football related. While I do love the Niners, a girl does like to be treated like a girl every now and then. Especially around birthdays and Christmas.... something sparkly, or lacy would be nice... Just saying. My ex failed abysmally in this area. Never planned a party, or even got me a gift that I hinted at for months and months in advance. It was always last minute flowers and chocolates. Even after 10 years.

But then, we're just casual. Who says he has to get me anything?

Butterflies

It's been a long time since I've had butterflies over a guy, but this last week has been a little surreal and more than once, I felt like I had a belly full of flutterbys... I don't really get terribly sentimental, as I've said before, but Firefighter stepped up his game this weekend and left me wondering if maybe he is changing his view on relationships.

Friday night I decided to take myself out to dinner as he was going to meet up with friends. I went to my (and now his) favourite steak restaurant. I've taken him there a bunch, but have gone solo or with my sister the last 3 times, which sort of upset him. So I hadn't told him ahead of time, and when he texted to find out what I was up to, he was quietly upset that I went without him yet again. Only this time he mentioned that he was sorry he couldn't afford to take me there more often. I've often wondered if it bothered him that I make probably double (at least) what he makes, but he's a single guy, while I have 3 kids and a mortgage, so it's only more on paper... This was the first set of butterflies. That he cared enough to want to take me places.

We had a date set for Saturday night. I was taking him back to the Wine bar where we had our first 'solo' date. He asked me Friday night if I wanted to come over and spend the day with him first, so I told him I had some errands and would let him know after I got done. It apparently also irked him that I managed to pick up a lawnmower and get it in my car when he had offered multiple times to pick it up in his truck. I can't seem to be less independent. So I got to his around 11am after picking up some lunch and we just chilled with some movies and Duck Dynasty (his new hobby is duck hunting, so he's at level Obsessive with all things hunt related). I napped, lol. Although Duck Dynasty is hilarious and I do enjoy shooting. Targets, not ducks though. Or anything else with a heartbeat. So I had brought a change of clothes to go out and brought the bag in to get ready around 5pm. We decided on a Thai\sushi restaurant for dinner that was on the way. Previously, on our trip to Atlanta, or the beach, he has posted pics to Instagram and left me out of the comments as if he had gone alone. This had sort of irked me. It's usually a sign of where you stand if he's not worried about publicizing that he is out with someone. So Saturday he ordered 'Salmon Lover's' sushi and posted a pic on IG (I must admit, sushi is presented nicely) with a comment:

And then he pulled my usual stunt with the bill. While I was boxing my leftovers (I had enough chicken fried rice to feed a small village), he paid. Second set of butterflies. I fussed at him, since I had asked him out, but he said I could pay for the wine. And then while I was teasing him about balancing his checkbook while still at the table, he said "Well, you have more money than I do, you don't need to worry about it." So, the money thing makes him uncomfortable. I'll work on fixing that.

We moved on to the wine bar, where I ordered a bottle. He was driving so when it came down to who was finishing the last of it, he said I should, but I reminded him that I had to drive home from his place... which is where he laid the smackdown on me. I was informed, in no uncertain terms, that I am welcome (and somewhat expected) to stay at his place, whenever I like. More warm and fuzzy feelings. I was then told to adjust 'my' side of his sleep number bed, which I did and slept incredibly well.

Sunday dawned, he got up and showered first and let me 'lay-in' until 7am, and then we went to church together. The day took a down turn when I got a monstrous migraine after mowing the yard. Yes Baby Girl was supposed to do it, but she bitched and moaned about the heat. So by the time 3pm rolled abound and I had showered and started cooking, I was well and truly on my way to oblivion. By 5pm even thinking hurt, by 6pm I was in my darkened room asking my BFF to look after my guests. At 6:30 Firefighter offered to drive to pick up my sons from their dad and by 8:30, I was knocked out, thankfully. I hate that my cookout had to end prematurely, but given that it's Tuesday and I'm still in pain, it was necessary. Monday was spent on the couch. With Firefighter who had had a shitty morning on the first day of hunting season. Four hours and they didn't let off a single shot.

Over the weekend, his niece and one of his colleagues added me to their Instagram. It seems so trivial, but it's almost like being slowly integrated into his world. It's kind of nice. His 40th is coming up in December and I offered to babysit his friends daughter when (if) they drive up for his birthday. His response "NO! You're not going to be babysitting, you're going to be with us. Why would you say that?" Uh, because it's in December and I have no idea how long he is planning on keeping me around? It's weird planning things with him months in advance under the guise of remaining 'casual'. We haven't spent the last couple of Friday's together and this weekend is my weekend with my boys, which means no sleepovers. He still managed to find a way to invite me over (to set up his new router), which could have been done Saturday before we go to my girlfriends birthday party.

Oh, but he dropped the 'G' word... all on his own.