The things children say....

Had one of those cringe-worthy moments last night...

I had come home from work in excruciating pain and decided that I should take it easy so I took a pain-killer and laid down on the sofa with the TV on my favourite channel Investigation Discovery. The show was Cold Blood and was about the rape and murder of a young woman in the late eighties or early nineties when DNA was still new. Every now and then Bad Boy likes to come and watch with me. Actually, all three of them do, but curiously not at the same time, lol! Anyway, he had just finished vacuuming for me (yes, I abuse any injury or illness to get the kids to help out!) so he sat down and asked what I was watching. Now Bad Boy is incredibly smart. He tends to choose non-fictional books about snakes, amphibians, whales, you name it, he'll read it and he retains pretty much every fact in the book and can usually recite it! Future Biologist, maybe? He is also very inquisitive and is NOT afraid to ask questions.

So anyway, the narrator went on to talk about how sperm had been found in the underwear and on the body of the victim... I think you know where this is going. My wonderful, bright, beautiful little boy turns to me and asks "Mum, what's sperm?" Luckily, I was able to deflect the question, with "Shhh, I'll explain later, I want to hear what they're saying." A few minutes later, my 'fourth child' who is actually Baby Girl's best friend distracted Bad Boy by asking him to go play the Wii U with him upstairs... Embarrassment averted?

No.

An hour or so later, I managed to get myself upstairs and into bed while the children were eating. I let them watch TV for another 30 or so minutes, and then called them up to bed. First the Little One came in and gave me a hug and a kiss, then it was Bad Boys turn. He turned to leave, but then seemed to remember something and turned back.... Uh oh.

Bad Boy "Mum, can you see sperm?" I choked and sputtered. How do you answer that? He's not quite 9 yet....
Me "Ummmm, yes."
Bad Boy "What does it look like?" Crap. If I answer this one, there will be more...
Me "Honey, mummy just took  her medicine and is really sleepy, maybe we could talk about this in a few years when you're a little older?"

So any suggestions on how to avoid this subject until he does biology, gets his first Playboy magazine, or watches his first porno with his friends, would be gratefully accepted! Lord, how will I get through his first wet dream? Someone will need to teach both boys how to use the washing machine, so I can avoid all knowledge of either of these events...

Time for him to read "Where do I come from?" I think. Peter Mayle should receive a sainthood for writing that book!!