A couple of weeks ago, I finally got around to finishing painting my oasis. There are a few more touches I want to make to complete the renovation, but it's pretty much the spa-like retreat that I needed. And for the last couple of weekends I have been perfectly happy holed up in there. BY MYSELF. This has had a negative effect on Firefighter, which is where last night amused me...
The kids are on punishment. So I took away their TV privileges. Baby Girl had plenty of homework to do, the boys went outside for a lil bit, and I took my kindle and a glass of wine to the couch in my room. I didn't even turn my TV on. I tried to kick back, but Olivia Pope was texting me, as was Firefighter and 6'5" (I have no idea what else to call him.... he's so freaking tall!). I did manage to read a couple of chapters before throwing some pizzas in the oven for dinner. After dinner I put on a load of laundry, switched on to ESPN (Monday Night Football...) and then took a shower to wash my hair. Around 8:15, I asked if Firefighter was in bed. Here's how it went:
Me: Tucked up in bed already?
FF: Yep, watching a movie. It's pitiful isn't is?
Me: Lol. Why? It's what you do. If that's what you like, who cares?
FF: Lol Idk, just funny I guess
And then I changed the subject, but I was laughing pretty hard. After all, Firefighter has been tucked up in bed alone by 8:30pm every night for the entire 14 months I've known him. He's not a night owl. Very much a morning person, and enjoys being alone, but he also usually hints around what he wants to say so it probably annoyed him that I didn't get into it with him about being in bed so early. The irony was not lost on me that I have been enjoying my peaceful haven for a couple of weeks now when used I hate being alone. Sunday he had to ask if he could see my room because I didn't even offer! It was a quick whirlwind tour, opened the door, said "there you go" and then herded him back downstairs (well, the football was on after all).
The hardest adjustment I've had to make since my separation and divorce is not having someone to talk to at the end of the day. Yes, I have 3 children at home, but honestly, none of them wants to hear about my day full of meetings with numpties who shouldn't be allowed out near a computer. It's been nice having my sister put up with my late night phone calls just to let me have a conversation and talk about what's going on with me. I keep saying it, but honestly, she's been fabulous. Even My Past frequently tells me to call him at work and lets me chatter away. It's a shame that he left it too late to try to have a 'normal' relationship with me. He's genuinely trying to be a friend and I appreciate that. It's easy for him to listen since he doesn't like to talk about himself much, but he is a good sounding board. Except when I talk about the other men in my life, then the green-eyed monster comes out and he's not so objective.... I am cautiously looking forward to him being in NC and being able to have the occasional catch up. Just have to remember to keep to public places where I won't make bad decisions, but we're getting better at keeping our feelings in check.
So at the end of the day, while I miss having a regular bed-mate, I'm coming to terms with sleeping alone every night. I miss spooning, it's true. I miss pillow talk and Sunday mornings, but I have now gravitated to sleeping in the middle of my bed...