Tough Times. Need to Vent

Sadly it's another two blog day, and this one isn't as amusing as the last one.

I hate being weak.

I'm not weak, I know this, but there are times when I honestly feel like I'm not going to make it. I took on a lot of baggage after leaving my husband. I had to find a way to pay bills, keep a large house functioning, go to work and raise three very demanding and very different children. Not to mention filing bankruptcy, dealing with the DA and the stalking trial, and keeping up with my divorce attorney's requests for paperwork. It all gets on top of me. It's little wonder that I occasionally have to retreat, gather strength so I can carry on. I have dropped the ball several times. Sometimes I've dropped more than one. But I've tried not to show it. Tried not to be a burden on others. And with the holiday season right around the corner, it's only going to get worse. I have so many things I need to do at the moment and very little time or energy to do them.

This weekend, I'm hoping to make a little money from the yard sale, being very careful not to sell anything that might be considered 'joint assets'. And then there's my 2011 taxes that need filing and paperwork for the bank to modify my mortgage all needs to be pulled together, sent in and filed (since I know they will lose it and request it AGAIN). My home office is a wreck. It's the one room in the house I can't face at the moment, but I know I need to get in there. Maybe with a large bottle of wine.

The boys need Halloween costumes and after our Come to Jesus discussion last night they have agreed to try and salvage last years costumes to save me some money. Baby Girl is grounded and will not be trick or treating this year after being a total brat on my birthday...

And then there's dating. I'm flattered that I can quite literally have my pick of bed partners... but I can't understand why it's so difficult to find someone who wants a grown up relationship. Yes, there's Firefighter and he's great, but he's not long-term. At least that's what he says. We'll see after his company "Fall Festival" this Saturday when he takes me shooting, lol!! But of all the guys that I can count on for a booty call, anytime, any day, none want to put in any effort towards actual dating. You know, like dinner and the movies. Those that do, pretty much expect the booty afterwards. With Firefighter, I have exactly what I want. We talk, have dinner, go places, and, my personal favourite - lounge around in front of the TV for hours on end. The sex is amazing and there is no drama. What could be better, right? I'm even ok with him having his place, me having mine, the only complaint is the distance between them, but since that's his only complaint, I think we're doing ok.

So I'm working through some stuff. That I should have been working through all along, but other things popped up and I put myself on a back-burner.