Went to Firefighter's to take him leftovers, the movie I'd ordered him from Amazon and his Halloween costume and ended up having one of those evenings that makes me realise I'm making a lot of fuss over nothing.
We ate dinner, shared tales about our days at work, laughed at my hangover (I did manage one glass of wine) and watched duck dynasty before, ahem, "laying down" for a bit. I hate to sound like a giggly schoolgirl, but the "laying down" is amazing.... it's starting to feel like we've both moved on to the realization that it's no longer just sex and that there's something a little more.
So I stayed and napped for a few hours and left at midnight when he got up for a potty break. I know it annoys him when I'm tired and I leave to go home, but I can't leave my kids overnight so I promise to text when I get home. He doesn't usually respond, but tonight he did :-) A year ago it was a different story, sleepovers were not part of the deal, but things change and now we both enjoy them. Instead of laying on our separate sides of the bed, I sling a leg over him and stay close. We're comfortable.
I have done a lot of introspection and observations of behavior and come to the decision that men today are just as insecure as women and now even go so far as to wait for us to control the path of the relationship. As long as we don't have the "what are we" conversation. They don't want to make decisions and call the shots so we have to find a non-aggressive way to drive the direction we want to go in and spend less time fretting about whether they like and want to be with us. If we do it right, we end up with what we want. Doing it right means less talking more doing. Want to have dinner? Ask, causally. Want to go to the movies? Tell them, but make it incidental and drop a hint that if they don't want to, that's fine, you'll dial up a friend instead. Make them a priority but don't revolve around them. Let them know they're important to you, but that you can function without them. Men are geared to be controlled by reverse psychology but also enjoy the chase so if you're too available they quickly lose interest. Yes, it's a pain, but it seems to work. I'm in a position where I don't require a man for anything more than companionship. I value my independence and don't think I want to live with anyone right now, but I can happily continue this relationship with Firefighter because it's drama free. Yes, I'm still confused, but I'm sure it will work itself out eventually.