Thursday, October 10, 2013

My Past...

Yes, today is a two post day. I wasn't going to, but to be honest, I'm a little weirded out.

I had thought that I had managed to 'lose' My Past. I purposely sent an inappropriate text at a time when I knew he would be at home, in bed with his wife. It was, oh, around 7am on a Saturday morning....
Well, we have a mutual friend, who I have stayed in touch with and periodically, he will pop up occasionally and ask me how I'm doing and then casually drop My Past's name into the conversation. When this happens, I know I will be hearing from My Past in the next couple of days. I've become so accustomed to it, that it no longer fazes me, so when Roach (the friend, don't ask about the nickname) sent me a message Monday, I knew it would only be a matter of time. Monday, I got bold and asked Roach if My Past had ever had any conversations about me with him and he claims no, but he tends to ask just the right question to let me know that he knows more than he lets on. So Monday's conversation got pretty frank, and I let him know that My Past had dropped the ball on our relationship. He agreed, and seems to think that I will never fully be rid of My Past.

After today, I'm inclined to agree. Which frightens me.

Today My Past texted and asked if I was in a better mood. I hate that he knows me that well. That was at 11:47am. He then proceeded to text me all day. Not the usual "Send me a pic", type of text, but the kind that, had he been in a relationship with me, would have been totally expected. We talked. And during the course of the conversation, he started talking about when we met, what had attracted him to me. He remembers every detail of our first night. I am ashamed to say, that I am mostly hazy... I remembered stuff as he was saying it, but had he not brought it up, I wouldn't. He remembered what I wore, what we talked about, what song we danced to. It was shocking to know that this man, who I have been, let's be honest, having an affair with for 18 years, has kept all of this locked away.

Roach had commented that My Past never talks about himself much. And that used to drive me insane, but then I realised, while talking to Roach, that I actually know more about My Past than the people who lived with him. Roach hadn't even known he had a daughter and was surprised when I told him I had met her. Years ago. I know the whole story. So, anyway. I'm going home now. I'm supposed to call him from the car... maybe I'll forget... it happens...

I was not allowed to forget to call. He texted me all the way to my car... smh

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