So I'm not the kind of female to keep track of 'special dates'. Birthdays, of course, but not anniversaries (except wedding anniversaries, but I no longer have to worry about those). I may choose to celebrate the 1 year anniversary of my divorce, but just the once. And then it's time to move on. I don't tend to remember first dates, or kisses, I'm just not wired that way. I can be sentimental... I still have notes written to me in high school from my first 'real' boyfriend. I keep pics and sometimes emails or messages that were particularly touching, but mostly, I like to enjoy the now and look forward to the future. Yes, very unfemale of me. Everyone I know with two x chromosomes keeps track of all the cute stuff. I sometimes wonder what's wrong with me, but then, I've had some rough relationships....
This one with Firefighter is different though. I feel like for the first time I've gone into it with my eyes open. I know what I want and how I like to be treated. I hope one day that he can get over his demons and try to make it last, but baby steps... So I spent a couple of weeks trying to show him what casual means to me. It confused him. He had clearly stated that he didn't want it to be more than casual. So I made sure that he knew what that meant. I stopped spending money on lavish dinners for him, stopped texting to make plans with him, instead waiting for him to ask to see me. He got sick with Pneumonia on his return from vacation, so I showed him how I care for those I care about. No 'L' word here. He's made it clear he doesn't want that, so I put it back on the shelf. He doesn't get to have that part of me, until he opens himself up to the possibilities. Oh, he's confused alright. But so am I.
How can a man identify someone as their girlfriend to everyone, except that person? I just don't understand. His best friend has invited him to visit them at the beach with their newborn (who is actually now 7 months old) and asked if his 'girlfriend' was coming with him. So he waited until I was free to accompany him. Even going so far as to tell them what I will and won't eat. His niece just got engaged to the guy she's been dating since 10th grade (she's now 22) and he's already hinting and talking about the wedding. I will not assume I'm going with him, but the implication is there. I did go so far as to invite him to go with me and the kids to a football game if I can find reasonably priced tickets. The game is in November, he said yes... And he's even stated that if his NFL friend gets a coaching job at the Packers that he would like for me to go with him to a game. And we've started going to his church together... Doesn't sound so casual, does it?
Anyway, the dilemma is this. We've been dating what will be a year on August 25th. He remembers all of our first few dates... I don't know many men who can do that (I couldn't). We were watching one of our favourite shows on TV and talking about how quickly some people fall into bed with people they're dating. I'm not perfect, I've had one night stands. Plenty of them, but with Firefighter I made him wait. It was at least a month and several dates in before he got to 4th base. So, do I plan something? Buy him something? I'm lost. One year is a big deal for him. He's never dated anyone for longer than 6 months (the girl who broke his heart). My fear is if I draw attention to it, will he withdraw? I'm ready to get serious with someone again. Not necessarily marriage, but I would like that one special person to spend my time with. My kids are growing up, they won't want to snuggle with me on the couch on cold winter days for much longer. If a ring comes with it along the way, I may be persuaded. But for now, I have two weeks to decide what to do.
My neighbour said I should do something. Even my sister agreed and she's not sentimental at all, but she's met him and says that she thinks he would appreciate the gesture. And if he doesn't think of it? What do I do then? Casual dating doesn't have anniversaries. I'll look like a proper idiot...
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