I don't know how else to describe Firefighter (although I do need to find a shorter moniker for him, how's N-BF? Meh, we'll see how it goes).
A little over a week ago, and after maybe 2 or 3 drinks, I let those three little words slip out. We were quietly watching a movie and it popped out. Not in the manner I had pictured in my head, but anyway, it was now out there. Here's how the conversation went:
Me: "I love you"
Him: "Huh?" Accompanied by the requisite comical deer-in-the-headlights look
Me: "You heard me"
Him: "I wasn't expecting that"
Me: "Neither was I" minor lie, but he doesn't need to know that
So then I spent the next hour before he left cringing that he would do the pulling away thing. I was supposed to go to his church with him the following Sunday, so I spent the following day (Friday) waiting for him to come up with some excuse to cancel. He didn't. So then I figured maybe Saturday he would be 'distant'. A challenge since I had no plans to see him Saturday anyway. I was getting my nails done while the kids went to the movies and then my sister and I went to one of my girlfriends for ladies night. We texted as usual, but nothing changed in his tone. Sunday morning dawned bright and early (too bright and early for me since I went to bed around 2am and had to be at church by 8 and so was up at 6!).
I enjoyed the service, although not-so-much the singing. I'm a huge fan of gospel, but my head after a bottle of wine the night before was not...
The rest of Sunday passed as it has for the last several months. Quietly watching TV at my place. Normal. Phew. There has been a slight shift, but not in the wrong direction. He's started to talk to the kids more, yesterday when they went to the pool he would have been quite happy to go too (I wanted to stay home and enjoy the quiet). So maybe he can be persuaded that not all relationships end up on 'who the bleep did I marry', that not all females are stark-raving, engagement ring crazy. I mean... I've never even HAD an engagement ring, but I've been engaged twice... (I do expect that if there's a third time, it will be the charm and it will be gorgeous, complete with stunningly romantic proposal to restore my faith in Cupid).
I did, a couple of days later, say that maybe I shouldn't have said anything to him and his only response was "why, if that's how you feel". Interpret that whichever way you want, I'm still in a wait-and-see holding pattern...