Monday, July 29, 2013

Need a little down time....

The last month has been an emotional roller-coaster, coupled with a crazy schedule!

I feel like I have accomplished so much and come so far in the last couple of years, and now I'm nearing the end of my legal battles (I've said that once or twice before and seem to jinx myself...), the 'crazy' that I'm dealing with now is more along the lines of 'normal, day-to-day' instead of 'when is he going to go completely insane'. Although the threat is still there, it's less obvious. I find that I go through most days no longer thinking about him and what he might possibly do next to make my life difficult. Every two weeks, I'm sure he will irritate me in some way, but I don't lose sleep anymore. At least not because of him ;-)

I have reached a sense of peace with my relationship with Firefighter. It was not without it's own little bump, but I at least understand myself enough to know what my limits are and what I'm happy with. We have an amazing time together, and are mostly on the same page (still can't get him to sext, but that's for a different blog post). He is still not inclined to tie himself to one relationship as he still has demons from a previous relationship, but I'm happy to keep the status quo. For now. Again, I will cover that in a separate post.

The Come-to-Jesus discussion I had with my lil sis a little over a week ago had the desired effect. Of course, it was not just her that I had the conversation with... my mum also needed to be told to stop enabling her behaviour. Last week was a vast improvement. I came home to a (mostly) tidy house, the boys had been productive with reading, writing, math and even some Spanish! And she no longer disappears all night to the neighbour's house... We even had a fabulously fun time going out to shoot pool on Thursday, dinner and a club on Friday and an All White Attire function at the Convention Center. We get along 90% of the time. She can be a lovely person. She just needs to learn how to BE a lovely person ;-)

So with all those issues, and finally being able to get to a position where I am able to save my children's home, I feel completely drained emotionally and physically. I need a little downtime. Someone to pamper me and take care of me for a minute (or a weekend would be nice). I spend so much of my time doing things for my kids, my friends and my family, that it becomes too much. Being a single mum  is exhausting. Putting in long hours at work and not stopping when you get home. You sometimes just want to be selfish and scream "WHAT ABOUT ME??" And yet, when you do, nobody hears you. (I hope that's the case and not that we're being ignored). Firefighter recently told me I give too much. And not that that's a bad thing. Just that people take advantage and I'm too nice to say anything. He's right. But how do I change that (not the being nice, but the being taken advantage of). He had no ideas... and neither do I.

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