DNA doesn't lie

Second post for the day. This actually happened a while ago, but it came up again earlier this week and it's niggling at me.

I had to let My Past know that my ex was trying to get DNA tests done on our sons because the dates of my visit to Atlanta with My Past in 2005, made it possible that he may have been the father of my youngest son. However, it is abundantly clear that he is not as my youngest looks like a mini version of his oldest brother.. (which irks me, but he's MUCH cuter than his sibling). So my ex, Douchebag, has had at least 7 attempts at getting the boys DNA. My 9 year old Bad Boy informed me of this because it's not a pleasant experience.

Anyway, my assumption is that either Douchebag is a complete numpty and thinks that DNA tests are like pregnancy tests and can produce false results, or he's just inept and kept doing it wrong. Whichever option you go for, they're both right. He's not the smartest of people... Months ago, I informed My Past that he was off the hook, but he didn't let it go. Not immediately. He asked a lot of questions and got quite angry with me. So I couldn't decide whether he was angry that I had been so careless (although it takes two to tango and he didn't seem to care about protection at the time), or that I hadn't said anything sooner about the possibility he might have another child. He then asked for a pic of Lil One. He asked about dates. He asked what did I think. So I leaned towards a different possibility... that he WANTED Lil One to be his. I ended the ongoing discussion with "Sorry, I shouldn't have said anything at all." My concern had been that he would get slapped with a suit from my ex without me being warned in-between since Douchebag has contacted him before with legal threats. The big kicker was when he asked me if I would tell him if Lil One was his. And I said I didn't know. I doubted that I would. That's when he stopped communicating with me for a few months.

Fast-forward about 8 months to earlier this week and out of the blue, he asked me again, had there been any more tests. What were the results. Why would he be testing them if he didn't think... blah, blah, blah. Funnily I had asked him last week if he and his wife were planning on having kids, but he said no and when I asked why, he responded (somewhat angrily) "Not everyone wants kids". So there you go. Since I know he's always wanted kids and a family, and she's career military, I wonder if there's trouble in paradise. He has asked me in recent years if I would have more. Last year in Tucson it wasn't top of his list to ask if I had taken precautions either.

The subject of whether Lil One is his has touched a nerve with him. I feel for him, I really do. He wasn't thrilled and still hates my mum over our own 'loss' 16 years ago. I don't think he will ever forgive her for the events that happened at her instigation. She definitely forced her will on both of us and it's been hard for me to forget, but I hadn't realised how much it had affected him. I haven't heard from him again this week. I will though. He's never missed a birthday.

Birthday Shenanigans

I sucked it up and ordered a cake. My kids would have been so disappointed if there was no cake.

Tonight I have dinner with Ms Olivia Pope. I'm kinda looking forward to it, although it's weird to not have anything bigger planned. Last night I accidentally stood up a former colleague who had offered to take me for drinks and pool. I don't mind admitting that my liver is still not impressed with my behaviour Tuesday night, but I have drank much more and not come off as bad, so Olivia and I believe that I was probably already dehydrated. So I plan to hydrate well for the next 3 days!! I will make it up to him next week... lol.

And Lil One has been diligently working on my birthday gift for weeks now! I can't wait to be allowed to see it, but I know I will ball like a baby when I see it. He has been writing and drawing in his little composition book and won't let me near it! Mi madre is also making a handmade gift for my birthday.... Little nervous about that one because it's jewelry and I'm fussy about my baubles...

The rest of the weekend's plans include:

Lunch and a movie at Firefighter's tomorrow, before make-up at Dior and then Halloween party at my neighbour's, chilled Sunday at home with Firefighter watching the football before picking up the boys and heading to my favourite Steak restaurant for dinner and then Monday I'm home with the boys! Yay! No early bus run :-)

So I'm out of my funk and now quite looking forward to my birthday. I struggled for a couple of weeks, but it's starting to get easier to get past what would be Stephanie's birthday. She'd be 16 this year...

Anyway. I'm determined to have a good weekend. It all starts when I leave work at 3pm :-)

Happy, happy, happy

Went to Firefighter's to take him leftovers, the movie I'd ordered him from Amazon and his Halloween costume and ended up having one of those evenings that makes me realise I'm making a lot of fuss over nothing.

We ate dinner, shared tales about our days at work, laughed at my hangover (I did manage one glass of wine) and watched duck dynasty before, ahem, "laying down" for a bit. I hate to sound like a giggly schoolgirl, but the "laying down" is amazing.... it's starting to feel like we've both moved on to the realization that it's no longer just sex and that there's something a little more.

So I stayed and napped for a few hours and left at midnight when he got up for a potty break. I know it annoys him when I'm tired and I leave to go home, but I can't leave my kids overnight so I promise to text when I get home. He doesn't usually respond, but tonight he did :-) A year ago it was a different story, sleepovers were not part of the deal, but things change and now we both enjoy them. Instead of laying on our separate sides of the bed, I sling a leg over him and stay close. We're comfortable.

I have done a lot of introspection and observations of behavior and come to the decision that men today are just as insecure as women and now even go so far as to wait for us to control the path of the relationship. As long as we don't have the "what are we" conversation. They don't want to make decisions and call the shots so we have to find a non-aggressive way to drive the direction we want to go in and spend less time fretting about whether they like and want to be with us. If we do it right, we end up with what we want. Doing it right means less talking more doing. Want to have dinner? Ask, causally. Want to go to the movies? Tell them, but make it incidental and drop a hint that if they don't want to, that's fine, you'll dial up a friend instead. Make them a priority but don't revolve around them. Let them know they're important to you, but that you can function without them. Men are geared to be controlled by reverse psychology but also enjoy the chase so if you're too available they quickly lose interest. Yes, it's a pain, but it seems to work. I'm in a position where I don't require a man for anything more than companionship. I value my independence and don't think I want to live with anyone right now, but I can happily continue this relationship with Firefighter because it's drama free. Yes, I'm still confused, but I'm sure it will work itself out eventually.

Lil too much vino me thinks....

Had a lovely surprise on the way home last night when Will called me and asked if I wanted to shoot some pool and have a few drinks in honour of my upcoming birthday....

This morning I'm not loving him so much....

Awesome time, poor Thurman still hasn't figured out how to beat me at pool. Although I tried to throw a couple games last night, he still managed to fluff each one and still lose! Will won one game, but lost the other two, so I'm kinda proud of my 4 out of 5 wins. They were full of the usual banter, so I had a good night, but a good night does not equal a good morning!! I'm guessing I should have left that last glass of wine....

Should make for an interesting day....

Gonna try and make it to lunch at Hooters with the guys. Hair of the dog may be in order. And in true "What-the-Hell-were-you-thinking" fashion I wore a dress today.... Should make the birthday shenanigans challenging!

**UPDATE**

Just had a phone call from my Gran. Love her to pieces, and for once I was very glad she could conversate by herself because there was no way I was going to be able to contribute! Even on my best days she can outdo me! I've just sat here for 10 minutes thinking her maths was off... She sent $300 and told me to spend $60 on each of the kids and myself for Christmas and $60 on myself for my birthday. My slightly hungover calculations told me she was off by $60... And then I actually added it up and no, she's quite right. So almost 80 year old trumps hungover almost 35 year old... Shocking!! I also made the monumental mistake of telling her that the phone call was free when she said she should get off the phone since it must be costing a fortune, but I pay $5 a month for my family to have a local number to call me... so she carried on talking. I'm not even more exhausted than I was.... Word to the wise, when your chatty grandmother starts talking about her MONTH LONG cruise, you probably shouldn't give her free reign to keep talking....

Turning the Tables

I had the most AMAZING night last night. All by myself! Yes, you can make whatever innuendos about that that you want ;-) I don't care!

A couple of weeks ago, I finally got around to finishing painting my oasis. There are a few more touches I want to make to complete the renovation, but it's pretty much the spa-like retreat that I needed. And for the last couple of weekends I have been perfectly happy holed up in there. BY MYSELF. This has had a negative effect on Firefighter, which is where last night amused me...

The kids are on punishment. So I took away their TV privileges. Baby Girl had plenty of homework to do, the boys went outside for a lil bit, and I took my kindle and a glass of wine to the couch in my room. I didn't even turn my TV on. I tried to kick back, but Olivia Pope was texting me, as was Firefighter and 6'5" (I have no idea what else to call him.... he's so freaking tall!). I did manage to read a couple of chapters before throwing some pizzas in the oven for dinner. After dinner I put on a load of laundry, switched on to ESPN (Monday Night Football...) and then took a shower to wash my hair. Around 8:15, I asked if Firefighter was  in bed. Here's how it went:

Me: Tucked up in bed already?

FF: Yep, watching a movie. It's pitiful isn't is?

Me: Lol. Why? It's what you do. If that's what you like, who cares?

FF: Lol Idk, just funny I guess

And then I changed the subject, but I was laughing pretty hard. After all, Firefighter has been tucked up in bed alone by 8:30pm every night for the entire 14 months I've known him. He's not a night owl. Very much a morning person, and enjoys being alone, but he also usually hints around what he wants to say so it probably annoyed him that I didn't get into it with him about being in bed so early. The irony was not lost on me that I have been enjoying my peaceful haven for a couple of weeks now when used I hate being alone. Sunday he had to ask if he could see my room because I didn't even offer! It was a quick whirlwind tour, opened the door, said "there you go" and then herded him back downstairs (well, the football was on after all).

The hardest adjustment I've had to make since my separation and divorce is not having someone to talk to at the end of the day. Yes, I have 3 children at home, but honestly, none of them wants to hear about my day full of meetings with numpties who shouldn't be allowed out near a computer. It's been nice having my sister put up with my late night phone calls just to let me have a conversation and talk about what's going on with me. I keep saying it, but honestly, she's been fabulous. Even My Past frequently tells me to call him at work and lets me chatter away. It's a shame that he left it too late to try to have a 'normal' relationship with me. He's genuinely trying to be a friend and I appreciate that. It's easy for him to listen since he doesn't like to talk about himself much, but he is a good sounding board. Except when I talk about the other men in my life, then the green-eyed monster comes out and he's not so objective.... I am cautiously looking forward to him being in NC and being able to have the occasional catch up. Just have to remember to keep to public places where I won't make bad decisions, but we're getting better at keeping our feelings in check.

So at the end of the day, while I miss having a regular bed-mate, I'm coming to terms with sleeping alone every night. I miss spooning, it's true. I miss pillow talk and Sunday mornings, but I have now gravitated to sleeping in the middle of my bed...

Tarheel Football!!

Went to my first UNC Tarheel football game last night. They're not known for being one of the great college football teams, but considering they were playing Miami, the game was better than I thought!

So at the beginning of the college football season, Firefighter and I had planned on going to a game with Miss H and the guy she's dating, but crazy schedules on my part and Firefighter not really enjoying the double-dating experience, we never got around to buying tickets. I ended up having to run a training session in Winston Salem, so I wasn't entirely sure I would have been up for it, but around 2pm, as I was eating lunch at a micro-brewery with a co-worker, I got a text from Firefighter saying he had two tickets, would I be able to go? Uhhhh.... yeah! So the rest of the afternoon was a rush. The co-worker is also a Tarheel, so when I told him we had tickets, he hurried up lunch, we skipped stopping at the Outlets, just so he could get me back to Raleigh by 4pm. Then it was rush to pick the boys up, get them home, cook dinner, shower and change and be at Firefighter's by between 6-6:15. Shockingly I made it! We even made it to the stadium on time, but had issues finding our damn seats. That stadium is like the freaking labyrinth!

Anyway, we were sitting behind some very annoying drunk students, who amused us for a while, but then started to get on our nerves. An usher spotted us and moved us to front row seats so we could enjoy the last quarter of the game without the annoyance. We were sitting one level up from Miss H, but after the long day at work, the walk to the stadium, trying to find our seats, we decided not to join them (Hell, I was having trouble keeping my damn eyes open!). Apologies for that. We're old...

The walk back to the car was not fun, and then we sat in the car, in the parking deck, not moving, for about an hour!! Not even sure what was going on, but it was a complete standstill. So I went to sleep just as we started moving... and got maybe a 20 minute cat-nap :-( As we pulled up at his place, he asked if I was OK to drive. I wasn't, but I knew I had to get home to the brats, so I promised to text when I got home, which I did. 40 minutes later at 1:40am.... My alarm goes off at 4:30am... I thought I hit snooze.... I didn't. So Bad Boy comes in and wakes me up at 6:55am.... Baby Girl is supposed to catch the bus at 7:15 and the boys are supposed to be in school 30 minutes away by 7:45....I dropped Baby Girl off before the bell, but the boys were a whopping 40 minutes late.... and I'm now trying to wake up with caffeine, I've already moved one morning meeting and after thinking I could sneak out and leave at lunch... I discover some asshat has filled my FRIDAY afternoon with meetings... who does that??

So it's now 9:25am, I could quite easily put my head down and sleep for a very long time, but given that it's Friday and the kids and I plan nothing more strenuous than pizza and a movie this evening, if I can just get through the next 6.5 hours, I should be ok.... Looking forward to pumpkin picking with Miss H and the kids tomorrow though.... AFTER a very good nights sleep in my 'new' bedroom oasis :-)

So I have to say a massive thank you to Firefighter's brother for the tickets (which were free! Bonus!) and Firefighter for choosing me to be his plus one at the game. I'll be a complete waste of space all day, but it was well worth it.

Mrs Nash, Where are you?

I have this friend. We'll call her Mrs Nash. I miss her TERRIBLY. Our busy schedules don't allow us to catch up very often, but if ever I had a friend that I could just talk to for hours, it's her. She is VERY high maintenance, but the one thing we have always done well is allow the other to talk. Somehow she just knows when I need it to be about me and for the last month or so, that's exactly what I've needed. With my birthday right around the corner and this being a difficult month for me, she is on my mind a lot. I have way too many issues that I'm trying to deal with and I'm feeling like I need a rock. I don't break down often, I'm holding it together emotionally, but there are so many things I have pent up, I could probably talk her ear off for a few hours and still not get it all out.

I am definitely going to have to make some time for her in the next week. Somehow, I need to learn to stop being other people's rock and find my own. It's all well and good to start talking my problems out, but when the person listening tries to make it about them, I tend to drop my end and let them have the floor. This isn't helping me.

My sister Curly has been supremely patient with me, but when I need someone to sit with a bottle or 3 of wine to let me whine, she's 3000 miles away and that doesn't help me. And Curly likes to laugh at me. Granted, it is funny that I am not like most chicks when it comes to guys and dating...